Who are the warped minds behind current clothing designs?

Just as you've developed a healthy layer of personal insulation to help you through another vicious Australian winter, some genius comes up with the bright idea of combining cropped tops with what the older generation call 'hipsters' (and just for the record, I really don't care that the low cut waistband was 'actually invented in the sixties' along with, as far as I can gather, excessive nasal hair and the embarrassing mindset of trying to be young and 'trendy' forever).

So your belly creeps downwards while your bum tries to escape upwards, creating a delightful bulge reminiscent of an overfilled cream bun oozing under pressure.

It's no consolation that we fashion victims all look as bad, except of course the smug models who should be force-fed those cream buns in the first place, to bring them a little closer to reality. I'd still like to lay my hands on the invisible villains who decided that midriff bulge should be a fashion accessory.

And as if that isn't enough, all this stress over fashion and beating the bulge has got an invisible villain of my own burning a hole in my chin. Stand by for the eruption.

Sounds familiar? We can't do much about the fashion designers but a Clearasil Deep Cleansing Scrub could work wonders for that blind spots.